If you could only see.

How can someone's self esteem go so low that they can't see any good inside of them? How does it get to the point that they can't even see the good person everyone else sees? She is my best friend. She's been through a lot. I see nothing but a kind and caring person who is very lost right now. Her eating disorder bothers me. the fact she doesn't think she can be a good mom bothers me. The fact that she openly admitted to hating and being jealous of what I have...THAT bothers me. She is amazing and no matter what I do she doesn't see it.

You are my sister. I see you spiraling downwards and I want to grab your hand. You just keep slipping further and further. I can't lose you again. That day killed me inside when you were hooked up to tubes and IVs. You flat lined twice. Flashes from my childhood and all of our memories came to mind throughout that car ride to visit you. I couldn't stop crying. I held your hand...told you I loved you. I'm scared it's going to happen again only more scared because I can't stand the thought of you not being here anymore. I've never been this close to anyone my age in my entire life. I've never had a best friend my whole life. You are the only one I've known this long. What would I do without you? We've made it this far. Please don't give up now.

Be strong. Be the mother you can be. Be the person me and everyone else knows you can be. Also, remember nobody's perfect. Right now I know you're in bed either sleeping or sobbing. You can do this.  I'll always be here every step of the way.

I love you. More than you'll ever know or realize. You are my sister. Not by blood. By soul.