Glass Window.

"I once looked through a glass window, with a shallow breath and a feeling no one could ever explain taking over me, I took a look at the reflection I saw and stared at it for many minutes. little did I know...I had yet to find out who this person staring back at me really was."


This is the first time I've been home all week. I was with my best friend at her house the whole time doing girl things. This included late night talks, coffee time first in the morning, playing games, and hanging out with her son. I've known her since I was 5 years old and we've always been in each others lives. She means the complete world to me. I have had my times of being a bad friend but no matter what has been said and done, she accepts me for who I am as a whole person. There aren't too many friends out there like that who I have known or met.


I have managed to start using my deviant art for the first time in over a year. I plan to continue doing my art again. I miss it. It was a big part of my world at one point.


Anyways...Smoking for the first time in a month was a bad idea. I'm more of a social smoker and will smoke if i'm in a social situation and have the opportunity to do so. That is what made me cave. My best friend and two of our other male friends came over to her place for a while, so we all just hanging out. I love smoking with others. So i'm sitting here and I cant even tell you how badly I want a cigarette right now. I was smoke free since early December...WHY DID I DO THAT TO MYSELF?! Well I suppose if at first you don't succeed, try try again.


Here I am, it's 10:41 at night and I have yet to pass out.


I'll wake up to my mother and step dad with a fresh pot of coffee hopefully. (I'm a horrid caffeine addict. Don't ever let me go more than a day without it. Honestly, even a day without coffee would drive me insane!)


Goodnight World.

Hello World.

 This blog is for my own personal life rants. I'm a 20 year old female and live in the state of Maine. I love my cat Zombie, and overall have some pretty amazing people in my life. I honestly have not made a blog in years, or actually kept up blogging in it. I figured that with all of the current struggles that I have been going through, writing out all of my daily thoughts would be a great Idea. Writing has always been a therapeutic thing for me. I describe my world way better through writing. I always have.

I'm at a point in my life where I wonder if I'll ever find that special person I'm meant to be with. Its all I ever wanted since I was a small child. I've wished for it my whole life, But alas I seem to find the wrong type of men who are overly manipulative and controlling, ones who will fuck you and lose complete interest, or the ones who just don't have enough emotion for the flame to stay lit. Maybe it was my upbringing. My father the controlling abusive man must of had a higher influence on my subconscious level than I thought. I'll get in depth with my current and past relationship problems but I think that is a fair enough introduction about that part of my life for now.

I'm also looking at what I'm going to do to get my mental health career in check. I want to go for my MHRT certification, but I have such high anxiety level that full time college is completely impossible. I have decided to go searching for a local certificate program so I can directly aim towards my goal. What is my goal you may ask? I want to be a help to children and young adults with emotional issues or even suicidal tenancies or self mutilation problems. I had some problems when I was younger and to let someone know that they will be okay in the long run would be a blessing. Simply because I am living proof, a survivor. I never thought I was going to be okay.

This is a huge welcome from me to you to my blog.

Feel free to sit back and enjoy this crazy chaos I call my own.

          Zombie. My pride and joy. I'm a proud cat lady.